Day 24: Octoberfestivus savings day: Sunday the 31st-ivus: You’re not fat; you’re just another planet.
Lame insult, don’tcha think? A spinoff of “You’re not fat, you’re omnipresent.” Whaddaya want for the weekend? I’m shooting between sugar blasts from Halloween candy, and too much beer. Oh! Diet candy, of course!
In short, it’s the weekend.
ECTOMORPHIC BODY SHAPES
DAY 23: Saturday, Halloween: Are you so big now, people wave hello from a space station?
Here’s a neat trick; go easy on the treats, and give the kids diet stuff, like tofu and eggplant lollypops. That’ll get you a few cartons of free eggs right there, if they miss your house and land in the bushes.
Ahhh, the diet life.
Day 22: Friday, October 30, 2009: You’re not Goth, just Girth.
You know what to do. From here on out it’s insults and a blog now and then.
Day 21: Thursday, October 29, 2009: You sweat a lot, just combing hair.
DAY 20: Wednesday, October 28, 2009: Do you find that people sit near you on a hot day, for the shade?
Consider the greyhound: Sleek, sinewy, athletic, and most of it genetic.
If you have what doctors call an ectomorphic physique, than you have something I vaguely remember as either a large frame, or some kind of insect. I forget which.
Fight the genes. Be the greyhound.
G’day.
DAY 19: Tuesday, October 27, 2009: You take loans out to food shop.
Today is the upper body, yes? The pyramids? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
No pain, no . . . pain.
A lot of people think you have to go through a very painful period to make great gains in muscle or weight loss, but not really.
If you are King of the Wimps, you can tone everything waaaaaay down, and proceed at a much slower rate, but with much less food intake. Look at those thin little Yogis who sit cross-legged all day, and nibble rice. Your keyboard tapping burns more calories.
Eating a lot less could be psychologically painful, I guess, but one quick look at a starving kid should kick your ass into gear.
Maybe.
Day 18: Monday, October 26, 2009: You’re not stubborn and steadfast; just immovable.
Stay with the program, however . . .
I’d like to introduce the pyramid or “triad” as my musclehead friend used to say, only because he could only count to three.
Whenever you do sets of reps, start with a weight you can do about twenty times on the first set, then add five or ten pounds in each following set, until you can only do about eight. At this point, start reducing the weight until you can do over ten reps again, for a total of about ten sets.
The burn will be unbelievable, and you’ll be building both strength and endurance, instead of just one or the other. Calories will fly into outer space, weight will plummet, and muscles will ripple.
You are so on the way to perfect . . . somewhere down the road. Depending on age and so forth.
Lots of so forth.
DAY 17: Sunday, October 25, 2009: When you walk a dog, do you need an extra long leash to clear your belly?
I’m watching Mel Gibson cry over his dead son right now in The Patriot, and they just buried a bunch of loved ones who were locked into a church and burned to death, and you can’t stay thin?
Perspective is priceless and powerful.
Tomorrow the New England Patriots play a game in London. Coincidence? I THINK NOT!
I have no idea what that means. Enjoy the day of rest.
Saturday, okay. October. You never get to the phone in time, trying to get off the couch.
Enough said. You know what to do.
DAY15: Friday, Octocber 23, 2009: When your neighbor’s cows are missing, they check your trash for bones.
Do the routine and relax, the weekend’s here.
Your muscles should be acclimated by now, and the aches should be completely gone. Rest up for the pyramid on Monday, you’re going to walk like an Egyptian. Or waddle.